heather's here!

leaves at uncle ben's house see? auntie heather is making friends fast. :) miss p & her teacher were both butterflies at school.

thankfully i haven't exploded like a meat stuffed piñata

so you may have noticed that there hasn't been much chatter regarding bk lately. honestly, we've only been seeing him once a week (on mondays, some saturdays) and there hasn't been much to say. things have been kind and mellow; i gave him and miss bk vegan chocolate-dipped marshmallows. he was very complimentary and said they'd like to buy some. i asked him to get the kid sweat outfits (for the kid's halloween costumes) and he did, promptly and without complaint. i typed of the agreement ($$$) and he passed it on to the lawyer. i'm expecting the first child support payment on november 15th. things like that... as for the move to LA: he seems fairly sure that they WILL be moving in 12-24 months, possibly sooner. miss bk is in fashion design school and apparently the four year program that she wants is down there. this is helped along by the fact that his job wantes him to move down there anyway. i'm not feeling much about it i guess. he's so out of the daily loop that i suspect that not much will change. it'll be the initial change that'll be hard but even that blow will be softened by d being here. it won't be the same as it was two (!) years ago.

bb, gotta put the kids to bed.

what are your plans for next tuesday?

so i'm finding it difficult to steer my mind anywhere other than ELECTION this week. of course that may have a bit to do with the media but ya know, still. although i'm a lifetime absentee voters (who hasn't gotten a ballot yet) i always go to the polls to vote. i like the little cardboard booth at the local church in my precinct. i like the waiting in line. i like the sticker. i like to bring the kids with me. this year will be no different except we'll be having an election 'party' up at my grandparents' house to watch the results. if things go well, look for fireworks around the sf bay. if things don't go well, look for my family on another continent.

in other news: we're about half way done pouring the chocolate for the website to be ready to launch (in the next week, two at most). yesterday dad poured an ancho chili and cherry bar. OH MY GOD. trust me on this one... YUM.

VOTE NO ON PROP 8 : EQUALITY FOR ALL

i feel i would be remiss in not mentioning just how strongly i feel about this proposition 8 bullshit that is trying to go down here in california.

last week as i was driving highway 17 to my dad's house, traffic came to an almost complete halt (both directions) approaching one of the major pedestrian overpasses in san jose. 50-75 people were protesting with 'protect marriage: yes on 8' (and other less savory) signs. protesting what exactly, i'm not sure... homesexuality? door to door salesmen selling 'gay'? their children sharing buses and drinking fountains with queer classmates? i was very pleased to hear very little honking in response to the 'honk if you wanna save marriage' banner. but really, by the time i got to my dad's for dinner, i was feeling pretty sick to my stomach over the whole thing. (and now, looking at that poster, i feel a little sick too. that's not MY perfect nuclear family. that's not ME pushing those 'values' on to my kids. blech. but it looks warm and fuzzy and family, doesn't it???)

it comes down to this: prop 8 'changes the california constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in california and provides that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in california.' SOURCE

*proponents of prop 8 state that 'proposition 8 is about preserving marriage; it’s not an attack on the gay lifestyle. proposition 8 doesn’t take away any rights or benefits of gay or lesbian domestic partnerships. under california law, “domestic partners shall have the same rights, protections, and benefits” as married spouses. (Family Code § 297.5.)' SOURCE

too bad this ISN'T TRUE. domestic partnerships and civil unions AREN'T THE SAME as marriages. they DO NOT AFFORD the same rights as marriage under (almost all) state and federal laws.

The most significant difference between marriage and civil unions (or domestic partnerships) is that only marriage offers federal benefits and protections.

According to the federal government's General Accounting Office (GAO), more than 1,100 rights and protections are conferred to U.S. citizens upon marriage. Areas affected include Social Security benefits, veterans' benefits, health insurance, Medicaid, hospital visitation, estate taxes, retirement savings, pensions, family leave, and immigration law.

Because same-sex marriages in Massachusetts and California, civil unions, and domestic partnerships are not federally recognized, any benefits available at the state or local level are subject to federal taxation. SOURCE

this means, among other things, that unless you are married, you CAN NOT file jointly on your federal tax return.

* proponents of prop 8 go on to state that '[proposition 8] protects our children from being taught in public schools that “same-sex marriage” is the same as traditional marriage.' SOURCE

wow, i must have slept through those courses on marriage in my almost 20 years of schooling... i don't remember the class on heterosexual. but you know what? i get it. i don't want my children being taught that anyone different from themselves exist either... can we make ammendments so that my kids aren't taught conservative or christian or non-californian or black/asian/middle eastern or vegan or asshole?

i'd like to open this up for a friendly(ish) discussion. if you disagree with me (us) tell me (us) why (why shouldn't gays be allowed to marry? file joint tax returns? why shouldn't children know about gays (though this is a FALSE part of the prop)? why should marriage be defined as between a man and a woman, only?) i'll be nice, honest! ;)

inadvertent day of silence for grandpa tony's 94th birthday

yesterday was my grandpa's 94th birthday. he died four years ago (september). i'll share the story i shared 2 years ago. hope you're somewhere beachy eating, drinking, playing music, and sharing friendship. miss you; love you! :)

the one where i can't think of anything clever using the word arnold because i used it last time

yeehaw, we're up in arnold visiting with nanny and judy again. the weather is super mild and the kids are having fun sliding down the giant pine needle covered hillsides. d and i are having fun doing...nothing! pics when we get back. 

oh and remind me to tell you about the conversation i had with bk about the moving thing. oh, and the book i found about modern moral problems. *chuckle* m'kay? check ya'll later.

so far (click to enlarge)

this is the tattoo i've had for the past 8(?) years.

jeff finishing the black outline. the upper part is outlined in yellow but looks pink because it had just been finished.

starting the deep purple of the waves...

that's all the pictures i have of the process. i was there by myself (er, no one i knew anyway) for 3.5 (of the four) hours but my dad stopped by and shot these.



and these are the best i could do with a four year old taking pictures. ;) things are a little goopy but that's part of the healing process (that's what's on my upper back too). i'll have a grown up take pictures in a week or so and then after the next session. the upper part will be done in pinks and oranges, yellows, magentas...a sun theme to balance out the water.

the one where i'm drained from being tattooed for four hours today

pictures to follow...four hours was probably the first third. next sessions are in december and january. i'll do a full review on jeff croci, the AWESOME and seriously talented artist, who tattooed me. anyway, i'm over the moon with this but absolutely exhausted from all the endorphins. =D

bye bye baby OR the one where i realize that i've been wearing the wrong size bra for my *whole* life

that's right, i broke out ye old credit card this afternoon and called ben's sister who works in lingerie at nordstroms. now that i'm done nursing i can finally get rid of all of the too big, way stretched out bras that i've been wearing (tim gunn would be seriously appalled at these things; actually so was b's sister!). it turns out i've been wearing the wrong size, like forever. i can't believe how supportive and comfortable a properly fitted (and high quality) bra is. wahoo! seriously, go get measured at a NICE bra store (read: not victoria's secret, they measured me WAY wrong for years...).

so as i'm packing up the baby stuff for my (very far in the future) grandbabies and to send off to be donated, i've been thinking about what stuff was necessary and awesome and what stuff was totally unnecessary and a no worth the money. here's what i've come up with:

• chinese prefolds for me, cloth diapering was something i loved and chinese prefolds with a snappi was where it was at. add to it a nice wool cover (that your mom knitted) or simple nylon pants and the kids were set. and guess what? if you're not a cloth diaperer they're still awesome because they double as burp cloths, dishrags, car shammies, and on and on...
• a really expensive stroller okay, i'll admit it, i totally drooled over these things. we even went and test drove one when i was pregnant with mr. baby. but ya know what, i think i'm glad i saved my $800. strollers, at least around here, get really thrashed. they get bumped and scuffed and taken down dusty trails. they get left out on the porch to fade. we did just fine with a $15 umbrella stroller from target and it was so much more compact.
• the ergo baby carrier i'm a bit of a carrier/sling junkie (have worn and loved my organic maya wrap ring sling, a very stylish looking hotsling, a man-friendly mama-made mei tai, and moby wrap style slings that i've made myself) BUT, when i am recommending a baby carrier to a friend this is the one i go back to over and over again. the ergo is awesome because of it's versatility, comfort, and accessories. love love love this one and plan to keep it for miss p or 'renzo to use with their kiddos.
• rice cereal & jarred baby food didn't need it. both kids' first food was avocado. buy, ripen, mash, feed. i did have a handy little food mill that was great for taking into restaurants, but really, the kids never liked the jarred (even good organic) stuff and preferred to eat what everyone else was eating.
• weleda calendula baby cream talk about mileage... one tube has lasted me two years and seriously, this stuff works for everything. i've used it on cuts and scrapes, nasty diaper rashes, chapped cheeks, hives for both the kids and the grownups in the house.
• a network of family & friends you can't buy this shit but i'm telling you, if you have access to your community it is INVALUABLE, especially when the unexpected happens!
• a fancy crib yes, i drooled over these too. thankfully we couldn't afford them and only wound up with a pack n' play (what i refer to as the worlds largest laundry basket/cat bed). we co-slept and when we were done moved to a futon on the floor. (add to this a fancy changing table!)
• breasts, preferably two always warm, always fresh, no need to get up. honestly we could have lived without everything else on the list if we had needed to. and as a companion for those times when you need/want to pump, this little medela doohickey. inexpensive, powerful, and so small.
• a good midwife whether you choose to birth at home or in a hospital, the right provider is essential. i did a hospital birth with an ob/gyn and a home birth with a midwife. i strongly preferred the midwife model of care.
• the right pediatrician don't stick with a doctor because you don't think they'll turn you into cps for not vaxing/extended breastfeeding/co-sleeping/whatever. that ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH. you want a pediatrician who will support your family in its choices, trust your judgement and help you sort out difficult issues, and LOVE your child almost as much as you do. they are hard to find but worth looking for.
• a ginourmously expensive rocker another one we couldn't afford. we found that sitting/swaying/bouncing on a slightly deflated yoga ball while holding a colicky baby did the trick.

honestly looking for answers on this

if i gave you one week to come up with $100, could you do it?
if i gave you two years to come up with $15000, could you do it?

to clarify, NOT $100 week or $15k every two years. a one time thing for each. getting a loan, selling stuff, whatever, all fair game too btw. i couldn't set aside $600+ from my current budget/month but i could come up with it if i needed to.

the one where i tell you about my big weaner

so the other night, when d and i went out for our anniversary (more on that later), my mom was kind enough to watch the kids. they BOTH spent the night over there. this is a whole new world. we had exactly NO kids in the house that night. just me and d and the cat. lorenzo suddenly is seeming so big to me. i was giving him a bath this afternoon and asked him about nursing. do you still nurse? 'no, me wear panties now. me no nurse. me a BIG boy.' well looky there. he does wear panties now. and he seems to be done nursing. that's 1738 days for me *golf claps*, most of them good and gratifying. (exclude of course, the cracked and bleeding nipples with miss p and the months and months of thrush with 'renzo). this is bittersweet, incredibly bittersweet. i still have milk and i'm having a hard time imagining it being gone, this phase being really and truly over. i'm done with babies but i'll mist up a little bit thinking back on this time.

things with bk have been pretty okay, if a teeny bit strained. like i mentioned yesterday, i met up with his cousins and that seemed to be somewhat upsetting to him. funny, and fortunate, he has no jealously regarding the kids and their relationship with d, but this really stuck in his craw. these are good people, who i really adore, and who i think care for me and the kids. i don't plan to (and won't) turn away from them and thankfully, he hasn't asked me to at this point.

my best friend is a 2nd place squirrel.

oh my god, we are making some of the best chocolate stuff we've ever made. we made chocolate dipped marshmallows with nibs. OH MY GOD. as anthony bordain would say this is food porn, hardcore food porn. you guys are gonna love these. and we made the most beautiful rasberry bars in a really sweet 50%. we had a minor setback at the beginning of the month and it required that one of our machines be fixed. it's FIXED and we're back in business. look for an email verrrrrry soon. as dad and b and i were drinking a bottle of port this evening, to celebrate a prefectly tempered batch, good music playing, and us giggling about who knows what, i realized, i could be very very happy doing this. just this.

things with d continue to astound me. it's so flippin' EASY to love him. since i've moved through my fear of being just up and left (and honestly, i never could have predicted that so why worry) things have just mellowed into...life. things are really simple with us. i feel no need to predict or define or control how things are progressing. i just feel the need to laugh with him and dance with him (okay around him) and be THIS happy with him. and i do and i am. so there.

i demand that you check out the moondoggies. i demand it. we will be carrying their cd's (along with my dad's music and ben's artwork) on the website. but for now, i absolutely and a bit rudely, insist that you check out their music. night and day is in my top 10 songs of ALL time.

the one where d sings the kids a berenstein bears book at bedtime

oh my god, our weekends our so long around here. we had soccer (where parker was peppy). we went to the san francisco red bull soapbox race (where meme's team finished in SECOND place!). we had dinner with my grandparents and aunt and uncle (who are getting married 10/31!). we went and saw the moondoggies perform in santa cruz (it was SO good to see c&d). i have pictures and comments about all of this but lorenzo is throwing the tantrum of all tantrums and keeping the big kids awake on a school night.

in fact, i have a whole lot of catching up to do. about bk and how that's been, about d and how that is and i guess about me too. this week, i promise.

do y'all mind if i beat this dead horse for a little bit longer?

d and i went to shadowbrook in capitola last night for our anniversary and we are SO going back. we had a really really incredible time and i highly recommend it. fantastic ambiance/view, attentive (but not annoying) service, and really good food. we talked about the fact that EVERYone else in our dining room had wedding rings on; the couple next to us had just gotten engaged. yeah, but isn't it strange how we're waaay ahead of them? three kids between us, two businesses...i mean really. we talked about how annoying it is to get taken less seriously (at school, out and about) because we're somehow not as legitimate without rings (but it's odd because in our area, with lots of asians/middle easterners, many married couples don't wear wedding bands). maybe it has to do with looking/being really young too. anyway, yellow gold, superbowl ginormous, nose rings. whatev. rings as it turns out, are no deterrent. still, the literary part of me is all about symbolism and tradition...it's important.

brb

to the best of my knowledge, being human and being a dancer are not mutually exclusive

thank you project runway for getting it right. i didn't care who won between korto or leanne, as long as it wasn't that crazy bitch kenley. that said, leanne, honey, wash and cut your HAIR. and if you're like me and you adore tim gunn, watch him on tim gunn's guide to style. i seriously think 'what would tim gunn say?' before i purchase something now. will someone please nominate me so that i can meet him? please please please?

i'm so flippin' tired. i have more bloggy stuff to say but i'm gonna conk out and post in the morning. m'kay?

the one where i start counting the days in years again

so today is d's and my one year anniversary. i find myself still attracted to the all things that originally attracted me to him in the first place: his ridiculous sense of humor, big booty, ability to really and truly enjoy himself (and bring everyone with him). that said, i find myself totally in love with him for the person he is: a wonderful partner, a natural (bonus) dad, and an honest-to-god man. i could list all the incredible qualities he possesses (honesty, integrity, introspection, kindness, stubborness, etc.) but i won't bore you with the details. just know that he's fantastic and funny and has a big bodacious butt. or something.

so thank you d for everything that you've brought to this family in the last year (including the beautiful diamond necklace). you came in to our lives so seamlessly and i hope you know just how much i love you.

barfy mcsnarkerson and the incredible edible boy childs OR beware the almost ides of walktober

yeah, so parker has some mysterious & totally barftastic little bug. just randomly started to vomit at about 11 this morning. so far the rest of us are fine. *fingers crossed that this ends VERY soon*

we had a full and fun weekend.

1. d's brother, sil and nephew (judah is so flippin' cute it isn't even funny) came up from los angeles for a wedding and spent two nights with us. it was a blast; i just wish we'd had more time to visit. we're trying to convince them that n.cal is where it's at. i mean, really!
2. we had soccer (both kids are doing really well, the games are adorible) and then yesterday went to the carnival at st. lucy's. d and i were waiting in line for ride tickets and a woman walked up and handed me vouchers for 60 tickets (like $40 worth...) hey, maybe good things do happen to us once in a while!
3. bk met the five of us over at the park after soccer. it's strange, strangely not awkward... but also, i feel like he's just an outside observer in many ways. he watched d and the kids and me on the teeter-totter- giggling, slamming each other's butts into the ground, trading sides over and over- for fifteen minutes, smiling, but never trying to join in or assert himself as the FATHER in the situation. i guess i'm feeling like he just won't, that that time isn't just off in the distance but at the same time i'm glad he hasn't tried to undermine the kids' relationship with d.
4. my dad's 56th birthday was yesterday so the five of us met him and maria over in santa cruz and had o'mei, which is pretty much the best sichuan chinese food around.
5. d and i rounded out the weekend by staying up until 3 this morning giggling (and arguing of course) about the last year. tomorrow is our one year meetaversary, hopefully everyone will be feeling tip-top by then. ;)
6. bk won't be taking the kids tonight with p sick and all; he was kind enough to pick up some medicine for her and drop it off but of course, the shallow part of me was distracted by his designer dress pants, designer belt (leather? on a vegan? really?), designer dress shirt and D&G sunglasses. i'm ready for it to be our turn now...

which leads me to this whole thing about them moving. i just feel deeply that it IS going to happen. and that it'll happen this way: he'll give very little notice that they're leaving. he'll tell me it'll be just for a few years. i'll have to break it to parker, but we'll all be okay, more stable because there'll never be a question that this is 100% me (and now, d). i'll offer his parents the visitation he has currently, more if they'd like it (there has never been ANY question in my mind that they adore these children and love them deeply). he'll visit every two or three months for a weekend. he'll propose to miss bk and they'll marry. they'll have a baby which somehow won't be so overwhelming to her as my two are currently. and they'll stay down in los angeles. rinse. repeat.

back later, more barf is imminent. i do have emotions on this matter too as it turns out.

again

thanks for all the support and concern. as with all of the legal stuff, i choose not to publish everything here on the blog. i'm covering my butt, everything will be signed and put through the court. as for the spousal support, i likely wouldn't have gotten any because it's been so long since he left and i've 'lived without it.' that, and our marriage was so short (under 10 years). something, even something small, is better than nothing. also, there is no reason to wait until mid november to go in front of dcss. this will all be signed by the family court judge long before then...

the one where it's amost too good to be true OR all's well that ends. well?

he called a half hour before he was supposed to be here to reschedule and i convinced him that it would be calm and short and to just be done with it. incredibly:

• we agreed on a child support figure that we're both comfortable with
• we agreed on a figure that he owes me in arrears
• we agreed that he'll give me some sort of a token to represent spousal support
• he told me he and miss bk may be moving to los angeles, or possibly san francisco. i get the feeling that this is all but a done deal. i'm feeling extremely conflicted about the whole thing. i'll talk more about this in the next couple of days.

details to follow, i'm too shocked to spend any longer on the whole thing...

'small wonder that he finally did what society had taught him to do, which is blame the woman in his life for his unhappiness and decide-oh, what relief this must have provoked-that the answer is to shuck off burdensome family responsibilty once and for all, and run all unfettered into the arms of the next woman on the list. how easy! all in one step the blame is allocated and the solution emerges. and what a lovely solution-so much more enjoyable than facing up to the demon that keeps you in a cold sweat at night and disturbs your work [...] better to feel hopeless and misunderstood, quietly and gently sad. better to see yourself as something of a hero for having stuck out a marriage as long as you did, having sacrificed yourself for a woman you did not really love but did not wish to hurt.

this is the story rick [no, not my 'r'] devised in order to live with himself. his leaving me, he told the unbelieving children, had nothing whatever to do with his falling in love with another woman; that just happened coincidentally. he hadn't really loved me for a long time, he said, but was waiting until i was strong enough to be able to manage on my own.'

from the non-fiction book, from house-wife to heretic: one woman's struggle for equal rights and her excommunication from the mormon church by sonia johnson

the one where i tell you to just keep your chin up

holy mary, mother of lard. what a week. tomorrow r and i will be meeting at 12.45 pacific time. throw your good energy this way. i am very confident we'll come to an agreement, assuming he shows up. ;)

paid the business insurance today so all that's standing between you and the website is the three of us pouring 40 pounds of chocolate this weekend. we are committed to fulfilling all your orders for the winter holidays and have some special stuff planned (chocolate dipped organic marshmallows, spiced tahitian almonds/pecans, a really delicious spice bar, among other things). i had no idea 18 months ago that this would all come to fruition. thank you SO SO much for all the support.

okay, off to snuggle and watch the shield. i'll update tomorrow after the meeting!

last chance before we go live: SALE CHOCOLATE

okay, we're trying to get rid of this chocolate to make room for all the pounds and pounds of stuff we're making for the website. the chocolate will be selling on s&b for $2.50/ounce but you can get it now for $1.50/ounce!!! that's like, almost a $1.00 per ounce savings right? i mean, RIGHT?



i've got:

10 ounces of NIB, CURRANT & DRIED SUGARED GINGER

SOLD OUT!!! ALMOND & PINE NUT

8 ounces of DRIED MANGO

SOLD OUT!!! PINE NUT

SOLD OUT!!! ALMOND

SOLD OUT!!! COCONUT

we'll be doing this through paypal as with the samplers... i can do goody bags or surprise bags or whatever you ask for bags. shipping is $5 and i'll mail immediately. email me at snakeandbutterfly@gmail.com and it'll be first come, first serve. i'll update the blog as stuff sells.

end of an era

i'd forgotten how much i enjoy my kiddos, how well they get along with each other, and how adept i am at loading them up and getting stuff done. the sense of relief and freedom i've felt this week to just do and be is incredible. we've been riding the bike to mcglincy so i can check the chocoate in the mornings and today we actually got to the park after nap time. i'm SO much less stressed.

parker is turning into a girl and it's an awesome thing to behold. she's funny and THIS CLOSE to reading/writing. she's learning stuff at preschool and bringing it back home with her. 'hey mama, this house sure has a lot of things that are circles... those plates, the balls!' i think five is going to be my favorite age yet. she's seeming way more secure than i've seen her in a while. she asks me every morning if it's a school day and goes off happily. 'i made another new friend today!' same with soccer. she's super close to d and goes apeshit when she sees him drive up after work. i think she's settled into this new routine with her dad. monday's the day and she hasn't really fought about going lately.

and then there's mr. baby. yeah, this morning he got up, took his night time diaper off, sat on the toilet and pooped, and then called to me 'meee, weeeent biiiiiig poooo-poooo!' just like that, in a week and a half the kid is daytime potty learned. i went through his clothes today and pulled out all the 2t stuff; he's now fully in 3t. he's grown a sense of humor and thinks it's hilarious to call d a 'poo poo head.' he's only nursing every three days or so, at naptime. i have such a skewed view of nursing that i think he's weaning WAY early (p finally weaned at what... three and a half?) but sheesh, i've been nursing one (or two) kids for almost FIVE years. i think this'll be an exciting new phase for our family.

okay, enough corny. i'm about to barf in my own lap.

i/he

i have… no energy
he has… a bottle

i fear… that guy next to the bed
he fears… no man

i always… worry about lost things
he always… runs the streets

i feel... exhausted but peaceful
he feels… like a man

i hear... *click, click, click*
he hears… nothing

i smell… bathed
he smells… pretty good

i wish… the chocolate wouldn't bloom
he wishes… upon a star

i wonder… why it all happened
he wonders… what?

i regret… nothing
he regrets... nothing

i love... you
he loves… me

i am... still tired
he is… special

i think... i can
he thinks… alike

i know... who i am
he knows… something

i want… nothing
he wants... a million dollars

i am not... a crook
he is not… afraid

i am like... a bird
he is like… a cat

i believe… i can fly
he believes... in jebus

i am happy that… i can't think of a corny song to answer this
he is happy that... he is at home right now

i win... the election!
he wins… yippie

i lose… my appetite
he loses… damn it!

i never… why, i NEVER
he never... sniff the coke

i need… a day off
he needs… a cold one

i listen… better than he does
he listens… not very well

i am scared of… ghost dano
he is scared of... tests

i read… anything i can get my hands on
he reads… when i have to

'for what is it to die but to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?'

things have mellowed out around here. things with bk have begun to resolve, as the outlaws stepped in last week to offer their support in coming to a speedy settlement. i spoke for a while with my fil and was reminded of his integrity and his respect for me as a person, the mother of his grandchildren, and his son's best friend for a decade plus. with his help (and the support of my family) bk and i have decided to negotiate the final figure of our msa. we've never been in disagreement about the house (i'm staying), the cars (i keep mine, he'll keep the one we bought together), the parenting agreement (we wrote it together), or visitation (it's been fluid). we're within a few hundred dollars of each other (thanks to my lawyer for not informing me of the offer in JULY) and this will all be over before the new year. anyway, this is all consuming less of my brain function than it has since before he left...

knowing that a resolution is imminent has made me more forgiving of the role he desires to take. what really, can i do to change his mind? after soccer yesterday (he came at 9.40, d brought him a chair so he wouldn't steal ours!) i mentioned something about him coaching p's soccer team next season (soccer was/is his sport). he was sort of wishy-washy, when i thought he'd be all about it. i asked if he wanted to take the kids for a few hours, even though it wasn't his saturday. he declined. so, we rolled. *shrug*

the weekend was spend melting and refining chocolate at mcglincy (what i'll be calling our work space, m'kay?) it's nice to have a job that you can drink beer at ya know? ;) we had one MAJOR chocolate explosion using the new melanger. oh shit was it a pain to clean up. serious learning curve in starting a business but we should have most of the kinks worked out before october 13th (website launch, pay attention people).

d and i watched i am legend last night. we enjoyed it; i knew nothing about it whatsoever, so had no expectations... what did ya'll think? we also started to watch the brave one with jodie foster (playing on hbo). boy, two disturbing movies. no wonder i woke up and saw a man in a hooded sweatshirt standing next to my bed. i screamed and woke d up. yes, really and this is not the first time. austin, ask this man to leave, okay?

that's more snake, more butterfly

holla at yer boy. all the machinery is at the space. insurance policy is ready to be signed. website is locked and loaded. we plan the big unveiling for october 13th!

had my last day thursday with the boy. he's excited to be off to preschool and i'm excited to be able to do stuff with my own two kiddos.

the weather's changing and i'm preemptivly refreshed.

does anyone else get the feeling that BIG change is just around the corner? like the real deal?

did she just?

i'm sorry, i think i must have just fallen and knocked myself unconscious. haha! i thought the potential vice president of our country just made a SHOUT OUT to a third grade class. can you imagine if that had really happened?

i say

biden wins simply because he knows how to pronounce nuclear.

a series of incredible events

whatever you're doing is working. things are changing (for the better) and fast. very very fast. =) focus on collaboration. a meeting of the minds. sucessful resolution within a matter of weeks. the ability to repair what was once an incredble friendship. the desire to co-parent with love and effectiveness.

fwiw, it seems our lawyers may have been standing in the way. *ack*

spam me

waiting to hear back about something. please spam the hell out of me with prayers and positive thoughts.