the long version will be up tomorrow when we're home. :)
in the meantime, please entertain yourselves here.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
the one where it's the day before thanksgiving and i remember that it's almost the two year anniversary of the 'bad thing'
funny, it hadn't even occurred to me...i think i might be able to stomach the turkey this year. but more on that later. scratch that. it IS the two year anniversary...november 26th.
to answer my own questions: we're spending thanksgiving at nanny's but ya'll already knew that. my favorite side dish is either my dad's sausage & dried fruit stuffing or my grandma/mom's yams with marshmallows and a ton of brown sugar. i much much much prefer the dark meat which is good because i don't have much competition. :) my favorite pie is the nourishing traditions cranberry and pear one that i've made the last couple years. and the weather? it's raining pretty hard here at home and it looks like it'll be in the upper 50's low 60's and clear up in arnold.
bb after i fold this giant mound of laundry.
to answer my own questions: we're spending thanksgiving at nanny's but ya'll already knew that. my favorite side dish is either my dad's sausage & dried fruit stuffing or my grandma/mom's yams with marshmallows and a ton of brown sugar. i much much much prefer the dark meat which is good because i don't have much competition. :) my favorite pie is the nourishing traditions cranberry and pear one that i've made the last couple years. and the weather? it's raining pretty hard here at home and it looks like it'll be in the upper 50's low 60's and clear up in arnold.
bb after i fold this giant mound of laundry.
Monday, November 24, 2008
the one where i realize that lots of things were happening around me, i just didn't know it
say a little prayer for the two women in my life still bravely battling cancer. they're both fighting through rough patches and could use a little boost! *love&light*
the 'chocolate thing' is suddenly not just a chocolate thing anymore; it's a viable business. the work of making, packaging, selling, shipping is enough to keep the three of us busy most days. dad and ben and i had a meeting with our counselor at the sba this morning (dad met with her two times previously) and we were each given hefty assignments to put us where we want to be in january, next summer, and in years to come. was it not for my dad stepping in and offering ben and i a swift kick in the proverbial pants we might just be goofing around still. that said, we aren't just goofing around anymore and have set a goal of selling something, be it big or small, everyday and ... we have!
and to get back to that other post: no, this wasn't ever my dream. though, to be honest, it wasn't ben's dream (go ahead, ask him) or my dad's either. i want to write. ben wants to paint. my dad wants to make music. but you know what? this business makes each of us happy, really terrifically happy at times. it affords us each some things that are vital to our ultimate dreams: creative outlets, time, practice, a process that results in a product, and hopefully, soon, enough money to support ourselves and our other endeavors. and as i told my dad the other day, it's not like we're producing and selling aluminum siding (no offense to anyone in aluminum siding). we work with chocolate. it's tangibly pleasing and recently, it has become our mutual dream.
so now, because i'm tired and the kids are in bed and d is out with friends and i can sit in a hot bath (alone!) you guys can work. tell me about thanksgiving around your place. who's hosting? what's your favorite side dish? white or dark meat? favorite pie? what's the weather supposed to be like where you're going? i'll answer tomorrow morning! ciao bellas.
the 'chocolate thing' is suddenly not just a chocolate thing anymore; it's a viable business. the work of making, packaging, selling, shipping is enough to keep the three of us busy most days. dad and ben and i had a meeting with our counselor at the sba this morning (dad met with her two times previously) and we were each given hefty assignments to put us where we want to be in january, next summer, and in years to come. was it not for my dad stepping in and offering ben and i a swift kick in the proverbial pants we might just be goofing around still. that said, we aren't just goofing around anymore and have set a goal of selling something, be it big or small, everyday and ... we have!
and to get back to that other post: no, this wasn't ever my dream. though, to be honest, it wasn't ben's dream (go ahead, ask him) or my dad's either. i want to write. ben wants to paint. my dad wants to make music. but you know what? this business makes each of us happy, really terrifically happy at times. it affords us each some things that are vital to our ultimate dreams: creative outlets, time, practice, a process that results in a product, and hopefully, soon, enough money to support ourselves and our other endeavors. and as i told my dad the other day, it's not like we're producing and selling aluminum siding (no offense to anyone in aluminum siding). we work with chocolate. it's tangibly pleasing and recently, it has become our mutual dream.
so now, because i'm tired and the kids are in bed and d is out with friends and i can sit in a hot bath (alone!) you guys can work. tell me about thanksgiving around your place. who's hosting? what's your favorite side dish? white or dark meat? favorite pie? what's the weather supposed to be like where you're going? i'll answer tomorrow morning! ciao bellas.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
the one where i tell you
would someone please tell me how the hell it got to be the sunday before thanksgiving? seriously wtf? it's finally getting chilly, not cold, but in the low 60's. brrr! *rolls eyes* looking forward to our trip up to arnold for thanksgiving (can't believe that d & i are celebrating our first big holiday together) but i'm so bummed that d2 won't get to come with us. long story... but same old bullshit.
bk took the kids yesterday. my faith in him is slightly renewed by one on-time cs payment and two not-so-random acts of kindness, in other words: large lattes to serve as spousal support (better than nothing). i asked him something yesterday and when his response puzzled me, i ribbed him and told him i thought he was lying. he's always been a terrible liar and i'm not sure why he continues to keep up aspects of the charade. i don't think that he gets that it undermines my trust in all other regards. oh well, things have at least been friendly and i've been aware of how i treat him because i know for damn sure that i don't want to treat him like a treats d. i've been offering him extra visitation (still only at monday nights and every other saturday) but he hasn't taken me up on it so far. i keep waiting for the overnights thing to come up again since both the kids are more than happy to spend the occasional night away, but it hasn't come up again.
the post i titled: the one where i can't tell where my body begins and the rest of me ends
as i suspected, the smell of the hospital (combined with a completely new cancer center) pushed me very near to the edge of myself, very desperate to find the people who knew (know?) this part of me. me with my 'sexy' long lungs. me able to position myself precisely for my anterior and left side chest x-rays because i've done it (had it done to me?) dozens upon dozens of times. since i went alone, all questions were directed at me, not my mom (novel idea; i'm just shy of 27). the whole thing is a strange experience because i've considered myself the expert on this part of me, this hospital, these butterfly needles, those lead radiation blocks. no more. finishing treatment was like being kicked out of a club and being told that my knowledge, my body was no longer useful or required. except once a year. my treatment was part of a clinical trial (i'm one of the 24 patients from stanford mentioned in the article though my post data isn't in there since i finished treatment right near the end of the study). my data still counts for something in the studies that will no doubt be published on the long-term effects of the particular chemo/radiatoion combo that i received. it's the same every year: thyroid dysfunction, potentially early menopause, cronic fatigue, elevated risk for breast cancer, thyroid cancer and leukemia, vascular necrosis, neuropathy in the joints, cardiovascular issues...these just the ones i was reminded of by my oncologist. and yet, in some sick way, it's validating. yes, it really happened. yes, they'll still bear witness. no, it isn't over.
bb after dinner
bk took the kids yesterday. my faith in him is slightly renewed by one on-time cs payment and two not-so-random acts of kindness, in other words: large lattes to serve as spousal support (better than nothing). i asked him something yesterday and when his response puzzled me, i ribbed him and told him i thought he was lying. he's always been a terrible liar and i'm not sure why he continues to keep up aspects of the charade. i don't think that he gets that it undermines my trust in all other regards. oh well, things have at least been friendly and i've been aware of how i treat him because i know for damn sure that i don't want to treat him like a treats d. i've been offering him extra visitation (still only at monday nights and every other saturday) but he hasn't taken me up on it so far. i keep waiting for the overnights thing to come up again since both the kids are more than happy to spend the occasional night away, but it hasn't come up again.
the post i titled: the one where i can't tell where my body begins and the rest of me ends
as i suspected, the smell of the hospital (combined with a completely new cancer center) pushed me very near to the edge of myself, very desperate to find the people who knew (know?) this part of me. me with my 'sexy' long lungs. me able to position myself precisely for my anterior and left side chest x-rays because i've done it (had it done to me?) dozens upon dozens of times. since i went alone, all questions were directed at me, not my mom (novel idea; i'm just shy of 27). the whole thing is a strange experience because i've considered myself the expert on this part of me, this hospital, these butterfly needles, those lead radiation blocks. no more. finishing treatment was like being kicked out of a club and being told that my knowledge, my body was no longer useful or required. except once a year. my treatment was part of a clinical trial (i'm one of the 24 patients from stanford mentioned in the article though my post data isn't in there since i finished treatment right near the end of the study). my data still counts for something in the studies that will no doubt be published on the long-term effects of the particular chemo/radiatoion combo that i received. it's the same every year: thyroid dysfunction, potentially early menopause, cronic fatigue, elevated risk for breast cancer, thyroid cancer and leukemia, vascular necrosis, neuropathy in the joints, cardiovascular issues...these just the ones i was reminded of by my oncologist. and yet, in some sick way, it's validating. yes, it really happened. yes, they'll still bear witness. no, it isn't over.
bb after dinner
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
and when she's good, she's very very good
I'm happy for you too! But I have to ask, having followed your blog for a long time: was this really YOUR dream? From what I can recall, this was Ben's dream and he asked you (per your words on your blog) on your second date if you wanted to help him. Did helping him become your dream? What about your own dreams? Do they still exist, or did they get pushed aside to work on Ben's dream? I would love to see you get YOUR wishes, too. You deserve it! - 'anon'
the short answer is: not at first; yes, in part; they matter too; no, never; things change.
the long answer is this: you know how at the beginning of something you think and hope that things will go one way and then they take a dramatically different turn? you know how this terrifies and devistates you but then you manage to survive it, only to realize it turned out the way it was supposed to? you know how if you'd been given a say in the matter you would have 'um, no' because it you wouldn't have believed it? yeah, like for example you marry your middle-school sweetheart, bear his children, hope to live 'happily ever after', only to have him leave you for a younger/blonder/perkier-boobed woman and you think your insides have fallen out the bottom but then you meet this nice guy who wants to make chocolate and you think 'YES, cute guy and chocolate, sign me up!' but then he says...'mmm, yes on the chocolate, but NO on the chemistry thing' and you think 'shit here we go again ' and crycrycry 'cause you're bound to be left repeatedly but shit, it makes you stronger and then you meet this man and ask him out because what do you have to lose and he says 'yes' and your first date lasts 10 days and now it's been years and he makes you terribly happy, happier than you had dared to hope to be and you get to work with your best friend every day and come home to this perfectly imperfect man that you love way done deep in your core. you know how that sometimes happens? me neither, but it does.
and the clearer version goes a little something like this: my dad and ben worked together. dad told ben to ask me out because everything was going to hell in a handbasket it seemed. all i knew about ben was that he'd been in 'magazines' and that r didn't really like him (plus!). so we went out on a date and had a good time, no fireworks but fun. we went out again and talked about chocolate. part of me was intruiged by what he told me and part of me wanted so desperately to be a part of something that i waved my arms and said 'pick me! pick me!' i wanted to be docile and 'yes' and undo what i thought i'd screwed up with r. i wanted to right the unfeminine, aggresive, controlling wrongs i'd imposed on him and i was bound and determined to have someone see it, like it, and want it. funny, so not who i am and so didn't work.
okay, bb in the morning to finish this.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
parker's current favorite song
if you aren't watching flight of the conchords, you should be. i *heart* bret.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
the one where i say a few things about a few things
wow! that looks delicious! where can i get some? why, i'm so happy you asked: try snakeandbutterfly.com m'kay?
and have i mentioned how much i love my new crocs? yeah, these are nanooks. cute, right? they aren't all huge and croc-y. and they're so cozy. just sayin'.
currently lovin' on blind pilot and their song 'go on, say it' - another 3hive download.i have a hospital post but honestly, i'm too drained to finish it. tomorrow...
the one where another year has passed
for the first time ever (and my diagnosis was in 12/98) i'm going to my oncology appointment alone. [i would have told you mom but i decided you shouldn't miss a day of school. and thanks dad for watching lorenzo and shuttling parker to and from school.] the weeks leading up to my annual appointments are typically rather emotionless. even now, an hour before i head up to stanford, there's - nothing much. but, the second i walk through those doors and am hit with that particular smell that only lspch has...it's different. i'm back there: shorter, balder, thinner. it's coloring books with forrest. it's junior mints. it's high high doses of benadryl. it's all those flavors i can still taste through my lymphatic and vascular system, blood thinners thinned enough to puff out my lungs. here i go.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
slowly, but slowly
whew. wow, mailed out all of the chocolate yesterday. if you placed an order it should most certainly be there by friday. ben and i made fully enrobed marshmallows rolled in all natural coconut flakes. if you like mounds, or anything along those lines, these will blow you away. also, we're doing chocolate dipped macadamia nuts. you know the ones you get on the plane to hawaii? yeah, way better because the chocolate isn't made of wax. check for them on the website tomorrow. also, pictures of the products are slowly migrating to the snakeandbutterfly.com (goddamn short daylight hours!)so as for what's up with bk and the child support: we agreed that he's to give me $x00 on the 15th of each month & $x00 on the 30th of each month. and also he's to give me y% of his bonuses and commission checks. and he owes me $1z,000 in back support which is due within 3 years. the $xoo figure will be reassessed (and increased) in february to bring support up to the dissomaster figure. i'm satisfied with this agreement and can't believe that he actually paid me on time and in full and, for some unexplained reason: in cash. uh?
this made me very happy last saturday. justin timberlake's true calling is comedy. i'm just sayin' is all...is anyone else watching hbo's true blood? d and i are TOTALLY hooked. at first i was all about bill, but now, i have to admit that i'm feeling sam with sookie. and dear god, thank god amy died; she was really getting on our nerves...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
strange bedfellows
so ben and i are making more marshmallows tomorrow. we're planning on doing the s'mores ones but we want to do another flavor too. what do y'all think? peanut butter? something pumpkin? nutella? fully enrobed with berries? holla at yer girl yos. snakeandbutterfly.comand how did i forget to mention this? I GOT CHILD SUPPORT YESTERDAY. ON TIME. IN FULL. *falls over*
Saturday, November 15, 2008
the one where i escape with my life, yet again
well aside from the one hiccup yesterday morning, the launch of snakeandbutterfly.com went pretty damn swimmingly. the website will be changing (including the addition of mug shots of the three of us) over the next days, weeks, and months. we'll be adding new (look for s'mores thingies, oh dear god these are good) and a 'test kitchen' section where you can see the stuff ben's experimenting with. it'll all be for sale but in limited editions. we of course are always looking for feedback, so do tell us what you think. also, packaging will likely go through some form of transformation and by january we'd like to be in several coffee houses and at the many local farmer's markets. thank you to those that have been supporting us since the very beginning in this endeavor. you cannot believe the transformation the chocolate - and we - have undergone.
so again, feel like i've reached a milestone in healing and moving forward and actively participating in my life. ben and i went to lunch at l.b. yesterday, to see my dad while he was working. (remember this is where bk and miss bk met behind the bar...where my dad, brother, and business partner all still work). we sat in the bar section and i told ben about the night that i saw miss bk for the first time. yeah, the one where she wouldn't introduce herself to me and i bk that she was a butterface. *oops* (fwiw, i've gotten much less judgemental since then...) anyway, he left 11 days later and you all know the rest. i think ben's probably endured this story several times (never at the scene of the crime however, ooh drama) but there was something different for me about this telling - i didn't really feel that gut-wrenching, blood-freezing emotion of 'the day the bad thing happened.' suddenly, i'm over it. no more do i think of this, with a flip of my stomach, on a daily basis.
i find this experience affects me in a strange way, in the white spaces of life. it affects me only in that it doesn't affect me. the behaviors, the worries, the need to control each and every aspect of my existence no longer are a part of me. d told me a couple weeks ago about his business trip to vegas. i wandered around for two days feeling vaguely fuzzy, like something was missing. what was missing? namely the fear, the jealousy, the distrust. it took me a full 48 hours to realize that what was 'wrong' was that i wasn't feeling anything but a little bummed to be without him for four days. no 'holy fuck, he's going to sin city without me *worryworryworryyellworry*' yeah, i trust him. not to ho around. not to find something better while he's gone. not to up and walk out on something pretty damn good.
i wonder now, how long was my intuition telling me i had something to be worried about? how long did i know that i had something squiggly that required trapping and hiding away for safe keeping? it was no way to live. and again, thank you r for leaving. thank you for not suffering through mediocrity endlessly with me. thank you for being brave enough to flee. (though even now i get this tingly sensation in my chest. does the tightness mean i've stumbled close to the truth or that there's tenderness yet to be unearthed?) no, i think it's that i've can forgive him for what he did but not how he did it.
namely because of this goofy (and resilient) little person...
so again, feel like i've reached a milestone in healing and moving forward and actively participating in my life. ben and i went to lunch at l.b. yesterday, to see my dad while he was working. (remember this is where bk and miss bk met behind the bar...where my dad, brother, and business partner all still work). we sat in the bar section and i told ben about the night that i saw miss bk for the first time. yeah, the one where she wouldn't introduce herself to me and i bk that she was a butterface. *oops* (fwiw, i've gotten much less judgemental since then...) anyway, he left 11 days later and you all know the rest. i think ben's probably endured this story several times (never at the scene of the crime however, ooh drama) but there was something different for me about this telling - i didn't really feel that gut-wrenching, blood-freezing emotion of 'the day the bad thing happened.' suddenly, i'm over it. no more do i think of this, with a flip of my stomach, on a daily basis.
i find this experience affects me in a strange way, in the white spaces of life. it affects me only in that it doesn't affect me. the behaviors, the worries, the need to control each and every aspect of my existence no longer are a part of me. d told me a couple weeks ago about his business trip to vegas. i wandered around for two days feeling vaguely fuzzy, like something was missing. what was missing? namely the fear, the jealousy, the distrust. it took me a full 48 hours to realize that what was 'wrong' was that i wasn't feeling anything but a little bummed to be without him for four days. no 'holy fuck, he's going to sin city without me *worryworryworryyellworry*' yeah, i trust him. not to ho around. not to find something better while he's gone. not to up and walk out on something pretty damn good.
i wonder now, how long was my intuition telling me i had something to be worried about? how long did i know that i had something squiggly that required trapping and hiding away for safe keeping? it was no way to live. and again, thank you r for leaving. thank you for not suffering through mediocrity endlessly with me. thank you for being brave enough to flee. (though even now i get this tingly sensation in my chest. does the tightness mean i've stumbled close to the truth or that there's tenderness yet to be unearthed?) no, i think it's that i've can forgive him for what he did but not how he did it.
namely because of this goofy (and resilient) little person...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
SNAKEANDBUTTERFLY.COM IS OPEN
that's right folks. the website: snakeandbutterfly.com is open for business!
go forth and buy! (we accept cc's and paypal.)
UPDATE: the "declined" bug has been fixed!!! please try again.
pictures of the products will be added throughout the weekend. ;)
go forth and buy! (we accept cc's and paypal.)
UPDATE: the "declined" bug has been fixed!!! please try again.
pictures of the products will be added throughout the weekend. ;)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
'renzo gave me a shiner and other things that happend today (<-- for one thing, i unlearned spelling)
grading grading grading, keep them doggies grading... yeah. all day. almost done. so so so bored. (hey, jackasses: there is a difference between woMAN and woMEN. learn it.) (and what, btw, did i do before i could look up a word online that seemed to be spelled vaguely...wrong? a dictionary? can you imagine how long that would take? ;)) so so so much else to be done.
d is in vegas installing a system in a client's condo. the guy (who lives around here) flew him and his partner out there. d gets to stay with his dad who is working on fireproofing the city center. crazy. seriously, check out the link. you don't even want to know how many people have died working on this monstrosity.
finally remembered the name of one of my favorite songs that is almost impossible to find based on lyrics because the lyrics are almost impossible to understand. i present to you pearl jam's, yellow ledbetter and i'll have you note that the lyrics (the real ones) canNOT be found on the pj website. mysterious? yes.
d is in vegas installing a system in a client's condo. the guy (who lives around here) flew him and his partner out there. d gets to stay with his dad who is working on fireproofing the city center. crazy. seriously, check out the link. you don't even want to know how many people have died working on this monstrosity.
finally remembered the name of one of my favorite songs that is almost impossible to find based on lyrics because the lyrics are almost impossible to understand. i present to you pearl jam's, yellow ledbetter and i'll have you note that the lyrics (the real ones) canNOT be found on the pj website. mysterious? yes.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
_one flew over the cuckoo's nest_
what is it they say about teenagers brains not being fully developed yet? dumb and lazy indeed! ;) welcome to public high school in a GOOD district folks. four of my favorites:
and, first child support payment due on saturday. *crosses fingers*
and, snakeandbutterfly.com to go live on friday with some seventy pounds of chocolate and hundreds of chocolate dipped gourmet marshmallows. look for something in your inbox on thursday.
and, graded 130 of 190 papers due by friday. _to kill a mockingbird_ _one flew over the cuckoo's nest_ & arthurian legend *oy*
Big nurses appearance in the novel is 'big breasted' with soft smooth skin which attracts men the way honey attracts bees.
Would you have the person that belongs in a mental hospital become president? If they were to make the decision to throw a nuclear bomb on a country, they might only do it to see the big mushroom.
Domineering woman often break a man's masculine spirit. Be it our DNA or the hormone testosterone, or perhaps our societies beliefs, men are often threatened when women seek a dominant role in our life. In author Ken Kesey's novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, many of the female characters are shown to be of dominant nature; controlling the men around them and eventually breaking down their male spirit. In today's society, men are often threatened when a woman puts herself in direct competition with men.
Nurse Ratched uses guilt tripping tactics like a tiger uses its teeth; just one chomp after another.
and, first child support payment due on saturday. *crosses fingers*
and, snakeandbutterfly.com to go live on friday with some seventy pounds of chocolate and hundreds of chocolate dipped gourmet marshmallows. look for something in your inbox on thursday.
and, graded 130 of 190 papers due by friday. _to kill a mockingbird_ _one flew over the cuckoo's nest_ & arthurian legend *oy*
Monday, November 10, 2008
down she came and found a boat/ beneath a willow left afloat/ and round the prow she wrote
ex
so green with this life,
i rediscover salty playdoh
thank him when he says
that he loves them, at least
there is a stumbling
back towards free-range eggs,
a mumbling togetherness in
her crossbow, our breastplates
(c) celeste flores 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
the one where i again make a list of potential titles for the post since i really should be grading and it seems like it shouldn't take too long, eh?
- the one where d learns that his booty move doesn't work on the lesbian girls at splash! (thanks for coming 'out!')
- the one where i feel a little bit ripped off when my breakfast burrito at la vic has way too much chorizo and not enough eggs but eat it any way
- the one where that guy tells you ridiculously nice things on the stoop and blows his cigarette smoke the other direction, which is, ya know, thoughtful...
- the one where i think 'since when did weezer come back?'
- the one where the neighborhood bar is super narrow and has a way surly bartender
- the one where after many months of hoping my dream finally comes true: i get to sleep in the infamous kitten mountain tee
- the one where we learn how not to clog up the toilet with paper towels from the master
- the one where there's a miraculous booty call
- the one where d barfs, but in anger, like a cat shitting in your slippers while you're at work
- the one where you realize that going downstairs with only a drunk guy as your gps is a really good way to get lost, especially when you aren't sure of which apartment you came out of
- the one where you go through d's entire myspace friend list and say 'that one? what about that one? her? mhmm, and this one? wow, no shit!'
- the one where it's like a really really long game of duck duck goose only with more giant empty containers of protein powder and a mysterious locked cabinet that no one is exactly sure how to break into, even with a leatherman squirt
- the one where his hookah from israel is missing the tube-y thing that runs from the top to the bottom
- the one where ben comes up with a brilliant use for a tiny blue maglite
- the one where i realize that i really really love this d man - a lot
- the one where there are SO. MANY. cotton balls and q-tips but not a single bottle of asprin
- the one where you find yourself making a ridiculous list instead of grading these papers on your desk - oy
- the one where i can't tell if i'm hungry or queasy
- the one where it was really nice to finally tell that girl from high school that it made me feel good that she was always friendly to me even though her friends were bitches
- the one where i urge you to check out loudon wainwright iii (not to be confused with rufus wainwright who is also good and interesting but totally different) if you're feeling folksy for songs like 'grey in l.a.' 'daughter' & 'dead skunk'
You got it! It's dead, it's in the middle Dead skunk in the middle! Dead skunk in the middle of the road Stinkin' to high heaven! All over the road, technicolor man! Oh, you got pollution It's dead, it's in the middle And it's stinkin' to high, high Heaven
- the one where bk shows up 5 minutes after the end of the soccer game but d and i still agree that he has the worse ex, like WAY worse ya'll
- the one where she calls back a second time just to hang up on him again, ya know, for emphasis
Friday, November 07, 2008
some things we can all agree on...probably
- it's a good thing when avocado's drop below a dollar a piece.
- santa? already? didn't summer just end? seriously, when did this happen?
- sometimes having an uninvolved ex is a good thing. i carefully, thoughtfully broached the topic of the kids and me possibly maybe potentially heading up to arnold to for thanksgiving with d's family. um, so? 'cool. how long will you guys be gone?' and there ya go. he and ms. bk are hosting a vegan (no tofurkey, boo!) dinner at their place and apparently were counting on the kids being with me anyway.
- a baby trying to make out with his auntie is hilarious. he kisses with his teeth. maybe he got his best moves from his father. ooh burn!
- there is something terribly terrifying and exciting about the fact that there is nothing standing in the way of us putting snake & butterfly up for business next week. we have (we hope) enough inventory and we're ready to roll. oh. my. god.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Love all God's creation the whole and every grain of sand in it. Love every leaf every ray of God's light. Love the animals love the plants love everything. If you love everything you will then perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.-Feodor Dostoevsky
please direct your attention
to the comments under this post. i'd like some input from the glbtq readers. and the christians. and everyone else.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
on the off chance...
Across the state this evening, people who support equality for all and oppose Prop 8 gather together. With an estimated 3 to 4 million votes remaining to be counted, the race is still too close to call.
Event listing updated regularly
Los Angeles
7:00 p.m. | West Hollywood
Corner of Santa Monica Blvd and San Vicente Blvd
San Diego
6:30 | The Center
3909 Centre Street
Co-sponsored by the Center, EQCA and HRC
San Francisco
6:30 | City Hall
1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place
san francisco anyone?
Event listing updated regularly
Los Angeles
7:00 p.m. | West Hollywood
Corner of Santa Monica Blvd and San Vicente Blvd
San Diego
6:30 | The Center
3909 Centre Street
Co-sponsored by the Center, EQCA and HRC
San Francisco
6:30 | City Hall
1 Dr. Carlton B. Goodlett Place
san francisco anyone?
i swear i'll get back to my own gooshy life soon...
i wanted to make sure that this wasn't missed...
well, honestly, i don't really care if those in poly relationships get married either. it's a lifestyle choice too. as long as no one is being coerced and no one is underage and it isn't being used as a way to control women i think people should marry whomever they want. you see, it doesn't affect me and i've yet to see any evidence for the slippery slope thing...in other words, i don't think that gay marriage or polyamrous marriage will lead to people marrying farm animals. m'kay?
everyone join in now!
Anonymous said...
i am a bit confused as to one thing. I wanted to get your opinion as well as those in the g&l community. I get where you are coming from when you say that it is discrimination but then do you say to those that practice or believe in polygamy's that its discrimination to make polygamy illegal? what are your views?
well, honestly, i don't really care if those in poly relationships get married either. it's a lifestyle choice too. as long as no one is being coerced and no one is underage and it isn't being used as a way to control women i think people should marry whomever they want. you see, it doesn't affect me and i've yet to see any evidence for the slippery slope thing...in other words, i don't think that gay marriage or polyamrous marriage will lead to people marrying farm animals. m'kay?
everyone join in now!
this is bittersweet
i can't imagine how it must have felt to those that lived through the civil rights movement, to have seen the first black president (and his beautiful wife and daughters!) elected last night. GOBAMA!
i can't imagine how it must have felt to have gotten married and then have your home state tell you that your marriage isn't valid, or CONSTITUTIONAL this morning.
i will be leaving the 'unfair & wrong' sign in my front yard until it is ruined, blown away, or stolen. i'm appalled that it doesn't take a two thirds majority to change the state constitution. i'm embarrassed to be a californian today. and so so sorry to the glbt community that our efforts weren't enough here or florida or arizona or arkansas. this is a big step back.
i can't imagine how it must have felt to have gotten married and then have your home state tell you that your marriage isn't valid, or CONSTITUTIONAL this morning.
i will be leaving the 'unfair & wrong' sign in my front yard until it is ruined, blown away, or stolen. i'm appalled that it doesn't take a two thirds majority to change the state constitution. i'm embarrassed to be a californian today. and so so sorry to the glbt community that our efforts weren't enough here or florida or arizona or arkansas. this is a big step back.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
list: election edition
don't forget to vote today. seriously: ROCK THE VOTE!- and when you're done, don't forget to get your free krispy kreme donut, tall starbucks coffee and scoop of ben & jerry's with your sticker. and depending on where you live you might also be able to get a free chicken sandwich from chik-fil-a or a free vibrator from babeland (no joke!).
- although it is incredibly sad that obama's grammy won't know if he won, i am so glad to hear that her vote will be counted.
- dropped off my absentee ballot with no issue. our polling place had a steady stream but no line when i got there around 2.15. d didn't have to wait too long this morning around 8am.
- wore my 'close enough' shirt. thanks meme. :) i think people knew how i was voting
- parker wanted to know who i was voting for. obama. 'which one is omama?' the younger one...the one with the darker skin. 'you mean the black guy?' *chuckle* yeah, him. 'oh.'
Sunday, November 02, 2008
sunday survey
If you married the person you last called, what would your last name be?
uh, it would be the same as it is now. i called my dad last. if you really must dig around to figure out my last name, be my guest. :)
What did you do Saturday night?
went out to dinner with d & heather, a and her parents & sister, and d2. that's right, went out to dinner with d's baby mama and her family. :) it was the easiest (only) option in a difficult situation. and i'm going to say right here and now that d is my hero and i'm totally totally proud to be his partner.
Is eye contact awkward?
only if someone is trying to be creepy.
Would you be a real life pirate back in the old days if you could?
sure. i love scurvy! and brined meat!
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
nope.
Do you collect porcelain dolls? Would you ever?
no, but i used to collect madame alexander dolls but they're all packed away in boxes. i might get one for miss p but i don't plan to collect porcelain dolls and display them or anything.
Do you enjoy going to Haunted Houses?
eh...
What is one thing you would love to happen today?
that it would start to drizzle again, the kids go down easy and early, that d & i could snuggle on the couch for a while. i guess that's a few things...
Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
uh, it would be the same as it is now. i called my dad last. if you really must dig around to figure out my last name, be my guest. :)
What did you do Saturday night?
went out to dinner with d & heather, a and her parents & sister, and d2. that's right, went out to dinner with d's baby mama and her family. :) it was the easiest (only) option in a difficult situation. and i'm going to say right here and now that d is my hero and i'm totally totally proud to be his partner.
Is eye contact awkward?
only if someone is trying to be creepy.
Would you be a real life pirate back in the old days if you could?
sure. i love scurvy! and brined meat!
Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up?
nope.
Do you collect porcelain dolls? Would you ever?
no, but i used to collect madame alexander dolls but they're all packed away in boxes. i might get one for miss p but i don't plan to collect porcelain dolls and display them or anything.
Do you enjoy going to Haunted Houses?
eh...
What is one thing you would love to happen today?
that it would start to drizzle again, the kids go down easy and early, that d & i could snuggle on the couch for a while. i guess that's a few things...
Do you think you would make a good wife/husband?
did i make a good wife for r? no, seems not. will a make a good wife for someone else? i really really hope so. i wanted to marry only once but i'll settle for only twice because i DO believe in marriage (for everyone. vote no on 8!) i think i'm a pretty good girlfriend.
Would you ever work as a waitress, bartender or other food service worker?
if i needed the money and it was my only option, probably. but i really would avoid it. don't think it's great for a family.
What bill do you hate paying the most?
credit card. i've never ever had debt until now and it makes me really pissed that i do now...
Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
shadowbrook
Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
no. i guess i really don't. if i put myself back in that time and place, i made the right choice.
What do you really want to be doing right now?
eh. this is just fine.
What are your thoughts on gas prices currently?
i'm glad they've gone down.
Favorite lunch meat?
prociutto, roast beef, salami
Gray's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives?
i've never really watched either one.
What famous LIVING actor would you like to have dinner with?
johnny depp, no question.
What is the last book you read?
i'm reading middlesex by john eugenides and LOVING it. thanks for the loan doug!
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
opening the necklace from d.
What noises do you currently hear?
cars going by, the cat crying, spongebob, keyboard typing
Do you know anyone who is currently in jail right now?
not that i'm aware of.
Do you know someone who cries to get what they want?
do you know that i have children?
Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
camping?
At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
career, fo sheezy.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
plus pictures
my mom escorted the puppy and the butterfly
d was uh, hairy?
and heather and i took the opportunity to do some last minute campaigning as a lesbian couple who deserves the right to marry. :) only got heckled by a couple of groups of teenage boys and all they said was 'yes on 8!' i reminded them that they were too young to vote and someday they would give a crap since this stuff because it would affect them. everyone can vote how they choose. this is america!
saturday survey
1. Name one fact about the last person who last texted you?
he says he has the 24 hour flu... eh?
2. Can you sleep in jeans?
i can sleep in anything but obviously would prefer to sleep in something other than jeans
3. What is something you just don’t understand?
the star wars obsession
4. Do you like Winter?
yeah, love the rain and wind we get in california, since it's just for a month or two. i love the be bundled up under the covers, bundled up in sweaters, snuggling with d and the kiddos.
5. Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
eh, i'm not a huge phone talker (though i used to be- i remember falling asleep on the phone with forrest all the time). i much prefer late night in bed conversations.
6. Do you like to cuddle?
yeah, sure, given the right circumstances. i like to cuddle on the couch watching tv and for a few minutes in bed but we're not really the all night spooning types. that just gets uncomfortable since i'm a tummy sleeper.
7. Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
i think there's a fair amount of people that think bad things about me. it doesn't really bother me thought because i suspect it's mostly people that don't know me very well.
8. How late did you stay up last night? Why?
eleven-ish? heather and d and i were watching 'forgetting sarah marshall.' thanks bookmobile free movie rentals.
9. What will you be doing at 8AM tomorrow?
trying to convince 'renzo to let me sleep a little later.
10. Anyone make you mad yesterday?
yeah, most likely.
11. Do you like twinkies?
eh, they're okay. not my sweet of choice but i would say yes if you offered me one about half the time.
12. Have you looked at anyone's ass today?
i've looked at several asses today. it's hard to ignore a walker butt.
13. Do you have nightmares?
sometimes, not very often.
14. What are you doing this weekend?
hanging out with heather, d & the kiddos. currently staying out of the rain and watching indiana jones (bookmobile again).
15. Ever saw someone die?
uh, been around dying people and seen them immediately after death but i don't think i've ever witnessed a death as it happened.
16. Who was the last person that helped you stop crying?
my dad? not sure.
17. Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
no. that would kill the phone wouldn't it?
18. One word to describe what you're wearing right now would be?
damp
19. Ever had plastic surgery?
hehe, no.
20. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
nope.
21. Would you date someone who was addicted to heavy drugs?
nope.
22. What are FIVE and only five traits that you think are important for a relationship to have?
trust, chemistry, relatively equivalent goals/morals, honesty, balance
23. What is one thing that would make you end a relationship with someone no matter what?
a major breach of trust, but no ONE thing.
24. Do you consider yourself shy?
i used to, but not anymore.
25. Do you have a tan line anywhere?
they've pretty much faded for the season but there may be one on my back from my shirt riding up when i rode my bike.
26. Do you have any relatives in the military currently?
cousins
27. Are you better at math or art?
if you consider writing/english an art then most definitely art.
28. Who was your 4th grade teacher?
mrs. erikson. she hated me (only teacher ever to so strongly dislike me) and none of us liked her awful son dusty.
29. Do you own a musical device?
do you know who i live with? yeah, several.
30. Do you know anyone named Tyler?
yes.
31. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you?
yep. of course.
32. Are you one of the MANY obsessed with Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus?
uh, no.
33. How can someone tell when you are angry with them?
i'm either outright angry or passive aggressive. or i'll just tell you.
34. Do you think too much or too little?
too much.
35. How cool do you think you will be when you are old?
eh, if by cool you mean up with the latest trends, probably not that cool.
36. What was your favorite thing about Halloween as a child?
dressing up. i was allergic to wheat, eggs and corn. i always sold my candy to my parents.
37. What is you favorite thing about Halloween now?
dressing up the kids and taking them around.
38. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
every time.
39. If there was a large spider in the room, what would you say and do?
i'd calm d down and put it outside.
40. Have you ever dated a soccer player?
yeah. :/
41. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
have you ever read my blog?
42. Do you hate the last girl you had a friendly conversation with?
lol. no.
43. If I looked under your bed, what would I find?
shoes, a couple of laptops, my scuba diving/surfing gear.
44. Last thing you Googled?
ayso
45. Ever kissed a red head?
no.
46. Do you get distracted easily?
not really.
47. Who is the biggest drama queen you know?
lorenzo.
48. Have you ever been called a bad influence?
no.
49. Do you believe you have common sense?
yep.
50. What will you do if you were stuck in the elevator with someone you did not like?
the same thing i'd do if i was stuck with someone i liked, try to get out.
51. Do you really wanna please everybody?
no.
52. What are five junk foods you like? Doesn't matter how often or how little you eat them.
poptarts, corndogs, french fries, ice cream, did i say corndogs?
53. Are you allergic to anything?
wheat, eggs, corn, dogs, sulfa medications
54. What shoes do you wear the most?
flip flops
55. Can you handle the truth?
as it turns out, YES.
56. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
almost never, but i'm so much better than i used to be.
57. Are you happy with where you are relationship wise now?
yeah. =D
58. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
that's a toughie. probably coffee.
59. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
uh, yeah.
60. Do you have any close friends or family who are currently addicted to any drugs?
don't think so.
61. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?
i think so, i mean i was happy, not grinning exactly.
62. What are you currently thinking about?
how loud the tv is.
63. What’s the reason behind your facebook display name?
it's the name my parents gave me, other than the hussein part and that's for obama.
64. What are you excited about?
the election on tuesday.
65. Have you ever got naked at a party?
after a party but not AT a party.
66. Is your phone within a three inch radius of you?
four feet.
67. What color is the thing you are sitting on right now?
blue green leather.
68. What did you last take a picture of?
heather and d laying and watching indiana jones.
69. What were the last 3 CD's you were listening to in the car?
hest of run dmc, frank sinatra, paul simon (not at all what i've been listening to in the house)
70. Favorite drinks?
water, iced tea/coffee
71. Does anything hurt on your body?
not notably.
72. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
d.
73. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
no.
74. Where is the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
standing outside the car in santa cruz, putting on my wetsuit?
75. What do you plan to be doing with life 6 years from now?
something similar to this, raising my family with d, making money from chocolate, writing.
he says he has the 24 hour flu... eh?
2. Can you sleep in jeans?
i can sleep in anything but obviously would prefer to sleep in something other than jeans
3. What is something you just don’t understand?
the star wars obsession
4. Do you like Winter?
yeah, love the rain and wind we get in california, since it's just for a month or two. i love the be bundled up under the covers, bundled up in sweaters, snuggling with d and the kiddos.
5. Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
eh, i'm not a huge phone talker (though i used to be- i remember falling asleep on the phone with forrest all the time). i much prefer late night in bed conversations.
6. Do you like to cuddle?
yeah, sure, given the right circumstances. i like to cuddle on the couch watching tv and for a few minutes in bed but we're not really the all night spooning types. that just gets uncomfortable since i'm a tummy sleeper.
7. Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
i think there's a fair amount of people that think bad things about me. it doesn't really bother me thought because i suspect it's mostly people that don't know me very well.
8. How late did you stay up last night? Why?
eleven-ish? heather and d and i were watching 'forgetting sarah marshall.' thanks bookmobile free movie rentals.
9. What will you be doing at 8AM tomorrow?
trying to convince 'renzo to let me sleep a little later.
10. Anyone make you mad yesterday?
yeah, most likely.
11. Do you like twinkies?
eh, they're okay. not my sweet of choice but i would say yes if you offered me one about half the time.
12. Have you looked at anyone's ass today?
i've looked at several asses today. it's hard to ignore a walker butt.
13. Do you have nightmares?
sometimes, not very often.
14. What are you doing this weekend?
hanging out with heather, d & the kiddos. currently staying out of the rain and watching indiana jones (bookmobile again).
15. Ever saw someone die?
uh, been around dying people and seen them immediately after death but i don't think i've ever witnessed a death as it happened.
16. Who was the last person that helped you stop crying?
my dad? not sure.
17. Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
no. that would kill the phone wouldn't it?
18. One word to describe what you're wearing right now would be?
damp
19. Ever had plastic surgery?
hehe, no.
20. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
nope.
21. Would you date someone who was addicted to heavy drugs?
nope.
22. What are FIVE and only five traits that you think are important for a relationship to have?
trust, chemistry, relatively equivalent goals/morals, honesty, balance
23. What is one thing that would make you end a relationship with someone no matter what?
a major breach of trust, but no ONE thing.
24. Do you consider yourself shy?
i used to, but not anymore.
25. Do you have a tan line anywhere?
they've pretty much faded for the season but there may be one on my back from my shirt riding up when i rode my bike.
26. Do you have any relatives in the military currently?
cousins
27. Are you better at math or art?
if you consider writing/english an art then most definitely art.
28. Who was your 4th grade teacher?
mrs. erikson. she hated me (only teacher ever to so strongly dislike me) and none of us liked her awful son dusty.
29. Do you own a musical device?
do you know who i live with? yeah, several.
30. Do you know anyone named Tyler?
yes.
31. Do you think people have any misconceptions about you?
yep. of course.
32. Are you one of the MANY obsessed with Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus?
uh, no.
33. How can someone tell when you are angry with them?
i'm either outright angry or passive aggressive. or i'll just tell you.
34. Do you think too much or too little?
too much.
35. How cool do you think you will be when you are old?
eh, if by cool you mean up with the latest trends, probably not that cool.
36. What was your favorite thing about Halloween as a child?
dressing up. i was allergic to wheat, eggs and corn. i always sold my candy to my parents.
37. What is you favorite thing about Halloween now?
dressing up the kids and taking them around.
38. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
every time.
39. If there was a large spider in the room, what would you say and do?
i'd calm d down and put it outside.
40. Have you ever dated a soccer player?
yeah. :/
41. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
have you ever read my blog?
42. Do you hate the last girl you had a friendly conversation with?
lol. no.
43. If I looked under your bed, what would I find?
shoes, a couple of laptops, my scuba diving/surfing gear.
44. Last thing you Googled?
ayso
45. Ever kissed a red head?
no.
46. Do you get distracted easily?
not really.
47. Who is the biggest drama queen you know?
lorenzo.
48. Have you ever been called a bad influence?
no.
49. Do you believe you have common sense?
yep.
50. What will you do if you were stuck in the elevator with someone you did not like?
the same thing i'd do if i was stuck with someone i liked, try to get out.
51. Do you really wanna please everybody?
no.
52. What are five junk foods you like? Doesn't matter how often or how little you eat them.
poptarts, corndogs, french fries, ice cream, did i say corndogs?
53. Are you allergic to anything?
wheat, eggs, corn, dogs, sulfa medications
54. What shoes do you wear the most?
flip flops
55. Can you handle the truth?
as it turns out, YES.
56. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
almost never, but i'm so much better than i used to be.
57. Are you happy with where you are relationship wise now?
yeah. =D
58. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
that's a toughie. probably coffee.
59. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
uh, yeah.
60. Do you have any close friends or family who are currently addicted to any drugs?
don't think so.
61. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?
i think so, i mean i was happy, not grinning exactly.
62. What are you currently thinking about?
how loud the tv is.
63. What’s the reason behind your facebook display name?
it's the name my parents gave me, other than the hussein part and that's for obama.
64. What are you excited about?
the election on tuesday.
65. Have you ever got naked at a party?
after a party but not AT a party.
66. Is your phone within a three inch radius of you?
four feet.
67. What color is the thing you are sitting on right now?
blue green leather.
68. What did you last take a picture of?
heather and d laying and watching indiana jones.
69. What were the last 3 CD's you were listening to in the car?
hest of run dmc, frank sinatra, paul simon (not at all what i've been listening to in the house)
70. Favorite drinks?
water, iced tea/coffee
71. Does anything hurt on your body?
not notably.
72. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
d.
73. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
no.
74. Where is the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
standing outside the car in santa cruz, putting on my wetsuit?
75. What do you plan to be doing with life 6 years from now?
something similar to this, raising my family with d, making money from chocolate, writing.
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