see how we grow

bluuuuuur... this is friendship as an adult woman: assisted in the birth last week, bloody to elbows (and between toes?), caught placenta, tied cord, uhhhh-mazing experience, reminded me of why i wanted to have more babies, or catch them at least. proud mama of a first grader, no more coddling these little ones but the teacher is quite a bit younger than i. cute, perky, not terrifically responsive. thankfully i have a proactive learner. and speaking of her...she's hating her dad at the moment. ('which daddy?' lorenzo asks. with a sigh, 'oh. bk?') forcing food down on his behalf and he's pissy when i bring it up. 'daddy puts us to bed early so he can leave sooner.' what a fucking disappointment you turned out to be. she's working through it now instead of waiting until her 30s and i'm proud to be her mama. proud to be the mama as well of this insanely thriving business which is shortly doubling output. whole foods and food emporium and oprah and weddings and tastings and on and on and on. here we go... whee!

my first life died for lack of sex, for lack of courage, for too much trust and friendliness

the summer before i was married i realized that i was scared to move forward without making sure i wasn't missing something. i asked his permission; he fearfully submitted. somehow i won $2000 in an indian casino, my first time gambling, a slot-machine-lucky-pull. i bought a wetsuit, an apricot colored surfboard and left on the pretense of learning how to surf. i slept with an old, very old and very, safe friend in the sand. (gravity is working against me, and gravity wants to bring me down) he came; i crumbled. i visited him for months, with bags of carrots and oatmeal cookies - drove all the way down the california coast and cried my way back home after days and days of sex and muffins and books exchanged. he followed me home and stayed. he taught me how to surf, how to make love for the pure joy of it all.

this weekend, drunk on the 10,000 feet of mountain i confessed that i had been deeply in love with him, that he had asked me not to get married. i considered. and then, my own creeping embarrassment. our families' disappointment. the things we'd already endured and were bound to endure later. we kissed one last time. he stood next to my almost-husband as we took our vows. we kissed. and i didn't look back until now.

thursday 13: week 14 oh yeah, and it's also thursday

random crap edition

1) we're going to d's grandparent's cabin in mammoth next week. finally a little vacation time!

2) d is working in a very famous quarterback's house this week.

3) i got that new flat iron i've been needing. TWO in fact. thanks colleen!

4) miss p starts school a week from monday. hell-o, who is this first grader? and also, thank god we can get back into the school routine. i am SO ready for it (see #5).

5) parker and lorenzo are at terribly conflicting ages. if i have to listen to ONE MORE shrieking argument wherein parker tries to dominate lorenzo and lorenzo resisting by screaming like he's being murdered i will knock their ever-loving heads together.

6) stick bug babies! they're teeny teeny tiny!

7) reed's extra ginger brew + rum = yum

8) snake & butterfly is getting a website makeover thanks to one of jen's friends who is donating his photography skills. i can't wait to upload them all!

9) snake & butterfly was accepted into whole food's market! holy crap. we're starting in three stores and will be able to expand once we can prove that we can keep up with the demand.

10) we're going to belize in january. omg. a real vacation with chocolate business-y excursions. this will be getting it's own blog post(s).

11) d2 is here for the weekend but not moving back, at least for now. :( he's starting his second year of school in san diego this weekend. step-parenting is hard. especially when he's so far away. the four of us miss him like crazy when he isn't here.

12) yes, i watch jersey shore. so sue me.

13) pasta pomodoro sucks.

the one about the girl that's not miss bk

on monday bk brought his girlfriend (of approximately six months) over to meet me and the kids. she seemed friendly enough and wasn't high maintenance (please refer to that crazy bitch from before) or standoffish with me or d at all. miss p and lorenzo didn't have much to say about her except that she was nice to them. she's 24, mom to a four year old girl, and lives a few hours away. her ex shares custody with her. aside from that i really know nothing about her.

bk asked me today what i thought of her and i told him that i was impressed with her but that honestly just about anyone aside from miss bk was fine by me. i mentioned that i view the fact that she's a mother as a plus. if she knows anything at all she won't step on my toes and she won't try and spoil my kids to impress bk. i sense that she knows this. i asked him if either of them plans on moving to be closer to each other. sounds like a no (another good sign that she isn't willing to move herself and her child away from her family and the daughter's father). ten minutes passed and bk asked how long d and i waited to move in together. 'a year.' i'm not sure what good advice he was looking for but i told him not to be a fool and rush into something like he did with miss bk. 'that was different.' yeah, you were cheating on me and your two kids dumb ass.

but anyway, i like her. not sure what she sees in him though. hazah!

sex ed.

scene: 6am, my bed

me: (sleeping)

renzo: (whispering) mama? (tap tap tap)

me: (rolling over) yes, lorenzo?

renzo: mama, which end does the baby come out?

me: huh?

renzo: does the baby come out the bottom or the penis?

me: huh? uh, neither. boys don't have babies. they come out of the vagina of the mama.

renzo: (sad) does that mean i won't get to be a daddy?

me: no, you can still be a daddy.

renzo: but how? i can't have a baby.

me: yes, but the daddy puts the baby in the mama.

renzo: (big eyes) how?

me: dear lord. come back after 8. we'll talk about this later.

scene: two weeks later, in the car

me: someday when you're a daddy you can have this rocking horse for your baby.

renzo: but i can't be a daddy, remember? boys don't have babies. only girls have babies! parker can have it!

me: no remember, the daddy puts the baby in the mama?

renzo: how?

me: with his penis.

renzo: (appalled) what!?!? i don't want to do that.

me: you will...

Paradise -
I see flowers
from the cottage where I lie.

~Yaitsu's death poem, 1807

my mom's best friend kerry (center of photo) died this morning after a long battle with ovarian cancer. my mom (on the right) has been by her side for the past seven days, along with her husband (left), son, daughter, son-in-law, and baby granddaughter. she died peacefully (at home) around 11.30AM with the blue angels literally flying overhead (they're in seattle for seafair this weekend).

we'll miss you so so much kerry!

21 october 1955 - 5 august 2010